【雅思作文批改】5分：对图形分析类作文比较陌生

【雅思考试作文批改】五分：对图型剖析类写作较为陌生

今日的题型是饼图 线图，这名同学们显而易见对图型剖析类写作较为陌生，阐述时见解不足清楚，应当要考虑周全，但英语的语法还不错，最后得五分。看一下老师如何点评的？

作文题：

写作內容：

The chart illustrates that how many units of electricity be[A1]demanded normally in England winter and summer.The graph presents four factors of an average English family electricity consumption.[A2]

It is clear to see that people need far more electricity in winter than that in summer totally in England.There is a significant increase in the units of electricity from 35000 in 0am to 40000 in 3am in winter,in contrast to 1800 units of electricity in summer.Furthermore, electricity consumption declines constantly to about 13000 units in summer and the figure reduces the lowest point(3000 units)in winter the next 6 hours.A fluctuation can befound in the data in summer between 9am and 21pm.Meanwhlie,the figure climbs to the peak at 45000 units in winter.Then,a similar decreased rapidly trend appears in the rest of day.

Heating rooms and water is the primary factor of electricity[A3] ,with about half of respondents[A4]rating this highly.17.5% electricity is consumed for Ovens,kettles,washing machines,with lighting,TV(15%) and vacuum cleaners,food mixers contribute[A5]to electricity consumpution equally.

Overall,the amount of electricity demanded in winter is around twice as that in summer.Heating is the prominent element for electricity consumption.

[A1]Be-are
[A2]Four factors of the electricity consumption in a common British household
[A3]Electricity cost, 这儿是电力耗费的四个因素，而不是电力
[A4]Respondents这一信息内容原文中仍未谈及，这句话算作你的推断，不建议写
[A5]contributing

各类细评：

对于难题较大 的一点得出改动提议：

1. 显而易见对线图的书写很陌生，它是一个双线图，提议不必混入一起写，这一双线图总体发展趋势很相近，便是在起伏，但又有差别，并且要把2个线图的极大值强调来。先描绘整体的趋势分析，再按段去写。
2. 饼图实际上很显著，采暖占有绝大多数占比，这与线图冬季电力要求大相对性应，并且234三个因素都只占百分之十几，这一点能够提一下。
闪光点，饼图有两个因素占有率一样，明确提出；结果段明确提出了线图的一个规律性便是倍率。

附批阅原照：